- The last fight we had was my fault. My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?” I said, “Dust!”
- In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
- My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four Royal Canadian Mounted Police officers and a dog.
- What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
- A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said “I haven’t eaten anything in four days.” She looked at him and said, “God, I wish I had your willpower,”
- Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two Mother- in-laws.
- Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
- A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classified: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
- The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
- How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
- Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
- If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
- Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.”
- A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” And the father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
- The bumper sticker read: “I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her.”
- Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful