Archive for the ‘ Men/Women ’ Category

The Geography of a Woman

The Geography of a Woman

  • Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!
  • Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
  • Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
  • Between 36 and 30, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
  • Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.
  • Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel, has been through war, doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
  • Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
  • After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages, An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

The Geography of a Man

  • Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran, ruled by the nuts.

The End.

A Young And Pretty Lady Posted This On a Popular Forum

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York.  My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?  Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper  limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:

  1. Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
  2. Which age group should I target?
  3. Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who doesn’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
  4. How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty
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Awesome Reply:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here. From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money”: Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in “leasing” services, do contact me…

Signed,
J.P. Morgan

Golf Cart

Young Willis accidentally overturned his golf cart one day.

A sexy middle-aged lady who lived in a villa on the course, heard the noise and came up to help him.

“Willis, forget the golf cart” she purred, looking at his muscular young body. “Come over to my villa, and have a drink. We can  straighten up the cart later.”

“Well, that’s mighty nice of you, m’aam” Willis replied, ”but I don’t think my wife will like it.”

“Oh come on, Willis, don’t behave like a kid” she said.

“Well, okay,” Willis agreed fially, “but I’m telling you, my wife won’t like it.”
After a few cocktails and putting lessons, Willis thanked his hostess.

“Thank you m’aam, that was very nice of you. But I’m telling you my wife won’t like this.”
“Don’t be silly” she said with a smile, “she won’t know anything about it.  By the way, where is your wife?”
“Under the golf cart.”

Patel at Wal-Mart in Washington

An Office Manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified — an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India .

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.  Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing you know?”

Dave, the American, replied, “A THOUGHT.  It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there.  A thought is the fastest thing I know of.”

“That’s very good!” replied the interviewer.

“And now you sir?” he asked Vladimir , the Russian.

“Hmm…. let me see.  A blink!  It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened.  A BLINK is the fastest thing I know.”

“Excellent!” said the interviewer.  “The blink of  an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.”

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.

“Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch.  When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on.  Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.”

The  interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light” he said.

Turning to Patel, the Guy from India , the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, “Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et’s obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA.”

“WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats…

“Oh, I can expleyn sir,” said Patel.

“You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON DEE LIGHT, I alredi done it !”

Patel is now the new “Greeter” at Wal-Mart in Washington.

What a Woman thinks

The most perfect man in the world is her father
The most abused husband in the world is her brother
The most handsome man in the world is her son
The luckiest and happiest man in the world is her sister’s husband
The most thankful man in the world is her son in law

And the worst, most selfish, heartless, total jerk and the man with worst behavior in the world is her husband