Archive for the ‘ Marriage(s) ’ Category

World’s Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a Guy asked a Girl “Will you marry me?”

The Girl Said, “No!”

And the Guy lived happily ever after and rod motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END

Two Wise Advices

Never laugh at Your Wife’s Choices …
(You are one of them…)

Never be Proud of Your Choices…
(Your Wife is one of them…)

Love Marriage Vs Arranged Marriage

Love Marriage Arranged Marriage
Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set of functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like. Similiar to Object Oriented Programming (OOP) approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The function can be added or deleted.
Family system hangs because hardware (called parents) is not responding. Compatible with hardware (Parents)
You are the project leader so you are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT – married life. You are a team member under project leader (parents) so they are responsible for successful execution of project – Married Life.
Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc. All these features are covered in the SRS (System Required Sepecification) as required features.
Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful and seductive… Yet one never knows when it will crash… if crashes that’s the end. Arranged Marriage is like Unix… Boring n colorless but still extremely reliable and robust. May crash but easy to recover.

Comparision

A man will pay Rs. 200 for a Rs. 100 item he needs.
A woman will pay Rs. 100 for a Rs. 200 item she doesn’t need.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single man, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Polish divorce

A Polish man moved from Poland to the US and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Lawyer: Have you any grounds?

The Polish man said: Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.

Said the lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It is made of concrete.

Lawyer: I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

Lawyer: I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland.

Lawyer: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have a hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player.

Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?

No, I am always up before her.

Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?

No, she’s white.

Lawyer: Why do you want this divorce?

She is going to kill me.

Lawyer: A  What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She is going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it says: Polish Remover.