Archive for the ‘ Call Center/Tech. Support ’ Category

Program Manager and Genie

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off.

Poof — out pops a genie.”Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you.”

The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, “I”d like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew.”

“It is done”, said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.

The software engineer thinks a moment and says, “I”d like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest.”

“It is done”, said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.

The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, “I”d like those two back in the office after lunch.”

A woman writes to the IT Technical support…

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from BOYFRIEND 5.0 to HUSBAND  1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under BOYFRIEND 5.0.

In addition, HUSBAND  1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as  ROMANCE 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House-Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running NAGGING 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Follwing is the REPLY from Technical Support…

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, BOYFRIEND 5.0 is an ENTERTAINMENT Package, while HUSBAND  1.0 is an OPERATING System.

Please enter command: ITHOUGHTyouLOVEDme.html and try to download TEARS 6.2 and do not forget to install the GUILT 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, HUSBAND 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, over-use of the above application can cause HUSBAND  1.0 to default to SILENCE 2.5 or BEER 6.1.  Please note that BEER 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the BOYFRIEND 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash HUSBAND  1.0.

In summary, HUSBAND  1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend: COOLING 3.0 and GOOD LOOKS 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

Intel inside…

Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s someone called Intel
inside.”

Computer Diskette

Customer : Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support : Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer : Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good, I’ll make a note.
Customer : No, wait a minute, I hadn’t inserted it yet, It’s still on my desk. Sorry….

Right click…

Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer: “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”