Friendship is not about “I m sorry” its about “abbe teri galti hai”
Friendship is not about “I m there for u” its about “kahan marr gaya saale”
Friendship is not about “I understand “its about “sab teri wajah se hua Kamina”
Friendship is not about “I care for u” its about “kamino tumhe chhod ke kahan jaunga”
Friendship is not about “I m happy for ur success” its about “chal party de saale”
Friendship is not about “I love that girl” its about “saalo izzat se dekho tumhari bhabhi hai”
Friendship is not about “R u coming for outing tomorrow” its about “nautanki nahi, hum kal bahar ja rahe hai”
Friendship is not about “Get well soon” its about “Itna piyega toh yehi hoga”
Friendship is not about “All the best for ur career” its about “bahut hua, abhi toh switch mar saale”

It’s amazing when strangers become friends, but its sad when friends become strangers. I never want to lose u my friend!

When a person calls u by a stupid name and never by ur own name…
When they always get angry, whenever u tell them that u r busy and cant reply…
When they tell u everything about themselves even if its embarrassing…
When they come to c u, whenever they get a chance…
When u argue with each other on stupid things and then end up laughing…
Celebrate with ur friends…

Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children.
What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.

How does a man show he’s planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What is the thinnest book in the world ?
“What Men Know About Women”

What’s the difference between men an government bonds ?
Bonds mature.

What do men and beer bottles have in common ?
They are both empty from the neck up.

What did God say after creating man ?
I can do better.

What are the two reasons why men don’t mind their own business ?
1. No mind,   2. No business.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food… She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I have never been!” I told her, “How about the kitchen ?”

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Surgery
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is enough to keep the job going in your absence.

Your Own Death
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your replacement.

Rest Room Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8:00 to 8:10; employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you’re unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees’ supervisors in writing must approve this exchange.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation’s, consternation’s, or input should be directed elsewhere.