Peanuts in the Pond

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.

Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.

Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too.

Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

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First Tailor Made Suit

A young successful banker decides to get his first tailor made suit. So he visits the finest tailor in town and gets measured.

A week later he goes in for his first fitting. He puts on the suit and he looks stunning, he feels that in this suit he can really do business. As he is preening himself in front of the mirror, he reaches down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he finds that there are no pockets. He mentions this to the tailor.

“Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?” the tailor asks.
The young man answers, “Yes, I did.”
The tailor says, “Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?”


Man on A Desert Island

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit.

Man: “Hi! Am I ever happy to see you!”
Girl: “Hi! It seems like you’ve been here along time. How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
Man: “It’s been ten years!” With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette.

Man: “Oh, thank you so much!”
Girl: “So tell me how long it’s been since you had a drink?”
Man: “It’s been ten years” The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.

Man: “Oh, thank you so much. You are like a miracle”! Finally the girl starts to unzip the front of her wet suit and asks the man leadingly, “So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around??”

The man looked at her and said excitedly: “Oh, my God, don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there too?!?!”


Lawyer and Bible

A lawyer, laying on his death bed in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the Bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea, so she ran and got it.

As soon as she returned with the Bible, the lawyer snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting left and right. Curious, his wife asked, “What are you doing, honey?”

“I’m looking for loopholes!” he shouted.


Cricket: Lessons of Life

 World T20 Cricket Match of India vs Bangladesh, Wednesday, 23 March, 2016, that freaking last over was a neat set of life lessons. Here is how:

Bangladesh needs 12 runs in last over. Over a billion people are on edge with their asses on cusp of dispair or joy.

  1. Pandya goes for 2 fours in first 3 balls: At this point game is over for India. But Pandya still keeps his head to ball some what sensibly for last 3 balls.
    Life lesson 1: It is never lost untill you lose it. Even if defeat is staring at your face.
  2. Mushfiqur hits second four in last over and punches in air. Just 2 runs needed in 3 balls. So they have won he thinks. The Bangla dugout stands clapping. Wrong assumption.
    Life lesson 2: Never count your chickens untill they are hatched. Really hatched.
  3. Two runs needed in last ball. A billion people watching are trembling with nerves. Dhoni remains cool showing no emotion. In the melee of last ball when bilion minds have raced to confusion, he has sense to not throw the ball and run the batsman out. He knows he has won , yet he doesnt jump into air or punches his fist.
    Life lesson 3: Equanimity and dispassion is key to master one’s mind. No excessive joy in good time and no excessive sorrow in unfavorable times is how one should live.
  4. One freak hit and Bangladesh could have won. One run in last over and it could have been a tie. Anything was possible like a random chance at toss of dice.
    Life lesson 4: There is an overall seeming randomness in life. In end you lose some and you win some by an unknown roll of dice.