Women’s Instructions

  • Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
  • Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
  • Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.
  • What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
  • So many men – so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
  • If they can put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there.
  • Tell him you’re not his type – you have a pulse.
  • Never let your man’s mind wander – its too little to be left out alone.
  • Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.
  • Never marry a man for money. You’ll have to earn every penny.
  • Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
  • The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
  • If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him check books.
  • A man’s idea of serious commitment is usually, “Oh all right, I’ll stay the night”.
  • Women sleep with men who, if they were women, they wouldn’t even have bothered to have lunch with.
  • Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
  • If he asks you if you if you’re faking it tell him no, you’re just practicing.
  • When he asks you if he’s your first tell him, “You may be, you look familiar.”
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