An elderly man went to a doctor with multiple complaints.

“I see spots before my eyes,” he said.

“It’s due to old age,” said the doctor.

“No food agrees with me,” said the man.

“That too is due to old age,” said the doctor. “The digestive system becomes weaker as we grow older.”

“My back is giving trouble,” persisted the man. “Sometimes the pain becomes unbearable.”

“Old age,” said the doctor.

This was too much for the man.

“Why do you go on saying ‘old age, old age’,” he screamed. “If you cannot cure me, say so. I’ll go elsewhere.”

“See how easily you lost you temper,” said the doctor. “That is another characteristic of old age.”

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?”

“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques – visualization, association – it’s made a big difference for me.”

“That’s great! What was the name of that clinic?” Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn’t remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife. “Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,”  one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”  Since we’re all professionals,  another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?” They agreed this is a good idea.

The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.”

The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”

Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.

The first said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered.”
The second said, “I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order.”
The third said, “I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded.”
The fourth one said, “I like to operate on lawyers. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable.”
Fifth surgeon said, “I like Engineers…they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end…”