Archive for the ‘ Boss/Employer/Employee ’ Category

Patel at Wal-Mart in Washington

An Office Manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening.

After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified — an American, a Russian, an Australian and a Gujarati from India .

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.  Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, “What is the fastest thing you know?”

Dave, the American, replied, “A THOUGHT.  It just pops into your head. There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there.  A thought is the fastest thing I know of.”

“That’s very good!” replied the interviewer.

“And now you sir?” he asked Vladimir , the Russian.

“Hmm…. let me see.  A blink!  It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened.  A BLINK is the fastest thing I know.”

“Excellent!” said the interviewer.  “The blink of  an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.”

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his reply.

“Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch.  When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on.  Yep, Turning on a LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.”

The  interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. “It’s hard to beat the speed of light” he said.

Turning to Patel, the Guy from India , the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, “Apter herring da 3 prebius ansers sir, et’s obius to me dat the fastest thing is DIARRHEA.”

“WHAT!?” said the interviewer, stunned by the response. The others were already giggling in their seats…

“Oh, I can expleyn sir,” said Patel.

“You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was pheeling bad and so I run so fast to the baatrum, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON DEE LIGHT, I alredi done it !”

Patel is now the new “Greeter” at Wal-Mart in Washington.

Factory Workers

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

Fit for the Job

The city municipal corporation was interview an applicant for the position of accounts superintendent.

Interviwer : What is the reason to change the job?

Applicant : My previous company address was changed, and they forgot to give me the address.

One councillor asked the candidate, ‘How much is two plus two?’

The applicant jumped up, opened the door, and peered up and down the hall. Then he closed all the windows, returned to the desk, and whispered, ‘How much do you want it to be?’ He was hired on the spot!!

Maths of Life

Scary but quite true:

Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage
Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit
Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production
Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion
Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

Program Manager and Genie

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off.

Poof — out pops a genie.”Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you 3 wishes. Since there are 3 of you I will grant one wish to each of you.”

The hardware engineer thinks a moment and says, “I”d like to be sailing a yacht across the Pacific, racing before the wind, with an all-girl crew.”

“It is done”, said the Genie, and poof, the hardware engineer disappears.

The software engineer thinks a moment and says, “I”d like to be riding my Harley with a gang of beautiful women throughout the American Southwest.”

“It is done”, said the Genie, and poof, the software engineer disappears.

The program manager looks at where the other two had been standing and rubs his chin in thought. Then he tells the Genie, “I”d like those two back in the office after lunch.”