Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar & drinking Shot after Shot.

The Indian man said to the American, ‘You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven’t even met once.’ We call this arranged marriage. I don’t want to marry a woman whom I don’t love. I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems.’

The American said, talking about love marriages… I’ll tell you my story.  ‘I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father’s father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son.  My son is my father’s brother and so he is my uncle.

Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father’s son,my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson. And you say you have family problems.’

The Indian fainted.

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious.

When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, why was he so interested in talking to you. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.

President Obama then said, “so if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant” , to which Michelle responded, “no, if I had married him, he would now be the President”

Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes.

First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down.

Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently.

Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground.

He passed by the Hindu who said – ” May Bhagwan help you”.

Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said – “I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster” Saying so, he let go of his turban.

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American History. Who said ‘Give me Liberty , or give me Death’?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: ?’Patrick Henry, 1775′ he said.

‘Very good! Who said ‘Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?”

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. ‘Abraham Lincoln, 1863′ said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, ‘Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.’

She heard a loud whisper: ‘F ___ the Indians,’

‘Who said that?’ she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. ‘General Custer, 1862.’

At that point, a student in the back said, ‘I’m gonna puke.’

The teacher glares around and asks ‘All right! Now, who said that?’ Again, Chandrasekhar says, ‘George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.’

Now furious, another student yells, ‘Oh yeah? Suck this!’
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, ‘Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky,1997′

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said ‘You little shit. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.’ Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ‘ Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.’

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, ‘Oh shit, we’re screwed!’ And Chandrasekhar said quietly,

‘I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008′.

One day, a Chinese walked into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushed over  to him, and asked for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gave him a slap and said, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here”.

The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the  Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese”.

“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and  said, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship”.

Shocked, Spielberg replied, “It was the iceberg that sank the Ship, not me”.

The Chinese replied, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg,  you’re all the same“.