A guy rides up in a scooter to a theatre and asks another person “Where is the scooter stand?”

The other person replies “Tell me, what is your name?”

“Ramesh”, he answered somewhat puzzled.

“What do your parents do?”

“Why? My mother’s a doctor and my father’s an engineer”

“Are you endowed with property and things like that?”

“Yes”, he said more puzzled now, “We in fact have quite a bit of property back in our village”

“What is your qualification?”

“I’ve done MCA ”

“Look, Mister. You have a good background, both your parents have high qualifications and in fact, you yourself have done MCA   and yet you don’t know the simple fact that a scooter stand is fixed to the bottom of the scooter.”

Once a Smoker was smoking at the airport………A gentleman came & asked him. How much do you smoke a day?

Smoker: Why are you asking such question?
Gentleman: If you had collected that money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.
Smoker asked that gentleman:- Do you smoke?
Gentleman: No.
Smoker asked: does that plane belong to you?
Gentleman: No.
Smoker: Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine, I’m Vijay Mallya…

• “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married too.
• Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything in the house.
• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
• By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher
• Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
• Why can’t women tell jokes? Because we marry them!
• Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
• Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, ‘You’re only interested in one thing,’ and you can’t remember what it is.
• A man’s wife has more power over him than the state has.
• My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food….. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
• Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
• If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

• If boy laughs, he is MANNERLESS, if girl does so she is JOLLY.
• If a boy talks to much, he is CHATTERBOX, if a girl does so she is WITTY.
• If boy loves silence, he is DULL, if a girl loves it, she is SERIOUS.
• If boy looks at a girl he STARES, if a girl looks at a boy, she gives GLANCE.
• If a boy wears a unique dress, he is a JOKER, if a girl does so it’s a FASHION.
• If boys move together, they form a GANG, if girls do so they form a GROUP.
• If a boy initiates a conversation, he is FLIRTING, if girl does so she is INTERESTED.

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers:

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends

   Stupid Question: Hey, what are you doing here?

   Answer: Well, it’s so hot, there were no cool cabs so I thought i’d watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet

   Stupid Question: Sorry, did that hurt?

   Answer: No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia… why don’t you try again or should i try this time.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask

   Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.

   Answer: Why?Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

   Stupid Question: Is the “blah blah blah” dish good

   Answer: No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement.We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together.When some distant aunt meets you after years

   Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.

   Answer: Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask

   Stupid Question: Is the guy you’re marrying good?

   Answer: No,he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout… it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call

   Stupid Question: Sorry. were you sleeping.

   Answer: No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair

   Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut?

   Answer: No, its autumn and I’m shedding…

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth

   Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts?

   Answer: And while I’m telling you , you tell me if I bite.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks

    Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke

    Answer: No, it’s a miracle… it was a chalk and now it’s in flames!!!